Seriously!

Since I found out that I'm a Doris (you can read about that here if you want to) life has become so much easier. Well, not really. That would be silly, if only. If only it would be so simple. But it would have been much easier if my 'followers' and fellow bloggers had payed more attention to the 'Doris-rules'. Let me remind you that what makes being a Doris fun is: * being able to relate easily to people and to make friends (true) * knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better (gosh, I wish that was true) * being generous, caring, and warm (obviously true) * being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings (far too true) * being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor (very true, hahaha) But I would like to focus on the points that make being a Doris difficult. Well, I would not LIKE to focus on that. It's just.....that's what I do and what makes me me. Apparently. * not being able to say no (I've learned to say no over the years, fortunately, although I don't say it often enough, but I'm working on that) * having low self-esteem (that is SO true, very important thing to know about me!) * feeling drained from overdoing for others (sometimes, but since I learned to say no I don't do so much for others anymore, which makes me feel guilty) * not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish (true, and if I do, I feel guilty'. Oh, and about 'the fear of being selfish': if I use the word 'I' more than, let's say....three times in one post or in a comment to someone else's post, I feel guilty. Clearly I feel guilty all the time! For I use the word I far too often. As if the world revolves around me. I know it doesn't. But I can't stop using 'I'. And that makes me (another word that makes me feel guilty) feel....uhm, how can I say this without hurting anyone's feelings...uhm, crap! Sorry.) * criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should (always criticizing myself for everything really) * being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them (well, I can't help that, that's YOUR fault) * working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings (I'm working on that, see the previous point, and I'm really sorry that I said it was YOUR fault) This being all clear to you now, I hope, I have to explain to you why I'm writing this post (feeling very guilty about all the I's! So sorry!). I've noticed that my 'followers'-list is fluctuating. A 'follower' means acknowledgement. And to me acknowledgement is VERY IMPORTANT! And if a 'follower' stops following I feel that I have let him or her down in some way. Why else would they leave me? Have I upset him/her? What did I do? Did I do something wrong? Have I not paid enough attention to his/her needs? Why oh why did they stop following my blog? And then if someone joins the list I'm ever so happy again! Is it just me? Do you feel the same? Or do you never lose a 'follower'? (Gawd, (see? I don't even use the word God because I don't want to upset people) if that is true that would make me feel even worse.) How do you cope with rejection? (if ever you are) (Sorry about all the 'I's' and 'me's'. Please don't leave me!)