Dear diary,
Today I had to visit the gynaecologist (the clicking sounds you’re hearing now are my male fans who are quickly escaping to blogs about safer subjects like baseball or cars or flower arranging. Anything but gynaecologists.).
My GP found a HUGE polyp (well, she did say “it’s a big one” about ten times, which did worry me a bit) on my cervix and it needs to be removed. I thought the gynaecologist would do that today. He thought so too.
“We’ll have a look”, he said and really meant ‘we’, because a trainee doctor was interested in my internal goings on too. So there I was, not in the most elegant position with two guys taking a close look at the polyp on my cervix.
“This isn’t my idea of a fun afternoon”, I said.
”Haha”, they politely replied from the other end.
“Did your GP show you where the polyp is?”, gynaecologist asked.
”How agile do you think I am?”, I joked.
What else can you do if you’re lying there, legs up in stirrups and someone poking around inside you with all kinds of metal instruments.
”She could have used a mirror to show you”, gynaecologist felt the need to explain how I could have seen the polyp with my own eyes. “I could show you now if you like.”
”No thank you, I believe you on your word that there is one.”
If I would have been interested in polyps on cervixes, I’d have become a gynaecologist.
“It is a big one with a wide stalk”, he mumbled to trainee doctor. “Let’s see if we can remove it by turning it. Otherwise we’ll have to saw it off.”
It would have been so nice if he’d been able to remove the polyp there and then. Unfortunately however, the polyp and I have gotten incredibly attached to each other and it was adamant to stay firmly fixed to my cervix.
So gynaecologist pulled and twisted and I said “ouch” and he said “sorry” a couple of times and then his head appeared again. “I will have to remove it with a thermic saw, so you’ll need to come back another time for an outpatient treatment. We’ll have to use a local anaesthetic.”
Phew.
I love a local anaesthetic. In fact, why stop there? Knock me out completely and wake me up when you’re done.
“Unless you want an epidural or a general anaesthetic?”
“Local anaesthetic is fine by me.” (Stupid me, pretending to be brave.)
So, polyp and I returned home and we will visit gynaecologist again (I can almost type ‘gynaecologist’ fluently now, and ‘anaesthetic’ too) in a few weeks for ‘operation chainsaw’.
Such fun!
photo from rgbstock.com
