HELP!

So much for my diet!

And it was all going so well!

Really. Since I spent the whole day in bed January 2nd, when everything I ate or drank left my body within 15 minutes, via the wrong way, I took up a strict regimen of only eating things that are good for me.

No cookies, crisps or cake (well except for half of the one that I baked when I felt better, but that one only contained creme fraiche, eggs and the cakemix which had Speltflour in it and that is supposed to be very healthy), but lots of fruit and yoghurt and other so-good-for-you-stuff.

Oh ehm, and two toffees and four slices of 'ontbijtkoek', which is a really low-fat cakevariety, typically Dutch I suspect, and I even bought the one that has even less sugar in it than the normal one (see the blue bit in the top right corner, that says it all).

And ontbijtkoek is the type of cake that if you eat one slice you can enjoy it the rest of your day. It nestles in all the nooks and crannies that you didn't know you had in your mouth, and you spend the rest of your day wriggling your tongue along your teeth in order to collect all the pieces of ontbijtkoek that are left. Added bonus: at least your tongue gets a good work-out!

So I felt really good. Thought I lost a good amount of weight too. Felt definitely lighter.

(I have to base my dieting episodes on my instinct, common sense and jeans. Stopped weighing myself years ago. Weighing myself almost always depressed me. And depression makes me want to eat. Now, if my jeans feel a bit too tight, I stop eating crisps and cookies for a while until they fit me again, and then I go back to eating all the wrong but oh so good stuff. But hey....life's too short so enjoy it while you're here.)

But for the last two weeks or so I really did not feel the urge to indulge myself in fat or sugary foods, so I was happy!

Until we received an irresistable invitation of a wholesale company that sells mostly food and drink and toiletpaper. That sort of practical stuff. (We can shop there because hubs has his own business.) And if we would spend 100 Euro at least, we would get a 20 Euro discount!

Well, being Dutch, famously frugal, yesterday evening we went shopping to 'earn' our 20 Euro.

But when we had filled our shopping cart (is that the right word?) with all the things we needed, we were nowhere near that 100 Euro. So, instead of doing the logical (well...logical?) thing and buying all the toiletpaper we could ever need, we decided that we had to buy things that we maybe didn't need but that certainly could make life a bit more fun.

At that point unfortunately we entered the freezersection and it appeared that they had lots of 'Australian' ice cream in all sorts of flavours and well.........in a moment of weakness we surrendered and bought five different flavours, which required actually quite a lot of self restraint. We also bought small packages I have to say. They also had very big boxes of ice cream, but we had a little bit of sense left.

And then we passed the cookbooksection. "Just buy them if you want them", hubs said generously. Thus Jamie Olivers 'Jamie's Italy' and Nigella Lawsons' 'Nigella's Christmas' entered our shopping cart. Nigella doesn't do fat free or low-calorie food and her recipes probably will taste good even if it isn't Christmas.

Later that evening, knowing that we had all those cartons of lovely flavoured ice cream, I couldn't stop thinking about it and then I snapped, opened two cartons and had a bowl of ice cream.

So now I feel guilty. And am I imagining it or do my jeans feel a little bit tighter than they felt yesterday?

O hell!

All this frustration makes me depressed and depression makes me want to eat.

And I keep thinking of the other three flavours. What will they taste like?

HELP!